SWTLO(micro)

Just checking in during my vacation (stay-cation, really). Am I enjoying myself? Sure. This isn’t necessarily how I wanted to spend my week off but, I am working to make the best of it. I really wanted to escape and disappear. Perhaps next time.

Playing (local) tourist does have its advantages. We’ve been showing the brother in law all of the sights and sounds of the South Bay. It forces us to get out and spend time at attractions near home. I keep forgetting about the Korean Bell of Friendship, in San Pedro. This time, visiting had a different meaning to me, reminding me very much of my time in Korea last year.

I’m also spending time reading and photographing. Love the increased reading. Frustrated with the photography. I’d like to blame the camera but, realistically, it’s me. I need to get back into the groove.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ptaillon/14360094908/player/

Just checking in during my vacation (stay-cation, really). Am I enjoying myself? Sure. This isn’t necessarily how I wanted to spend my week off but, I am working to make the best of it. I really wanted to escape and disappear. Perhaps next time.

Playing (local) tourist does have its advantages. We’ve been showing the brother in law all of the sights and sounds of the South Bay. It forces us to get out and spend time at attractions near home. I keep forgetting about the Korean Bell of Friendship, in San Pedro. This time, visiting had a different meaning to me, reminding me very much of my time in Korea last year.

I’m also spending time reading and photographing. Love the increased reading. Frustrated with the photography. I’d like to blame the camera but, realistically, it’s me. I need to get back into the groove.

The answer to the previous post is a resounding “No!”

The 37th year of my life begins today, and with it comes a new project. And, as many times as I’ve started and stopped a Project 365, this is the year I am determined to see it through. Titled “37 265” the hope is to chronicle this coming year with at least one photo per day. Will it be riveting? Will it be interesting? Will it be filled with fantastic photography? The answer is a resounding “No!”. That said, you can view the album here, on Flickr. Or follow along on Instagram.

I’ve given a lot of thought to my life and the changes I would like to make. Everything points to keeping my life simple, uncomplicated, and moving forward. And so, each goal that I’ve set is based on at least one of those three criteria.

And yes, there will be more photography. Onward!

Continually attacked by the ebb and flow of confidence and self-doubt, I find that I’m burying myself further into the weeds concerning process. Artistic process? No, I don’t think this is what it is. I think it’s more of a stall tactic. I think that, instead of forcing myself to go out there and create; to go out there and “do”, I narrow my thoughts to identify and definition. I have it backwards. I’m trying to define before I create whereas, it should very well be the other way around.

So, why stall? What is it that I shy away from, opting for procrastination over production?

That’s the question I should be trying to answer.

After going all week without coffee*, I made a pot this morning. It was a surprisingly, and unintentionally, weak pot of coffee. I'm not sure how/why I did that. Perhaps it was done subconsciously?

The 2014 LA Galaxy schedule is really strange, with very few home games the first part of the season. It felt really good to be at the game on Wednesday and, I'm really looking forward to Sunday's game. It's good to have the team home.

Six different people, on at least six different occasions, have talked to me about stress, recently. Two of them are family members. Two are coworkers. Two are medical professionals. Perhaps they're trying to tell me something? I really wish I could figure out what... Kidding, of course. I need to take some measures to address it. This is a much longer post (some other time) but, I'm beginning to realize how high my stress levels have been for the past seven years. Pretty dang high. And, I'm realizing how bad it was to ignore it for that long. Not just on the physical health side but, emotional health as well.

Related: I need to pay closer attention to things like this.

I'm finding myself increasingly fascinated with grizzly bears. I don't have any explanation for that. Strange, I know.

* I'm drinking a lot of green tea now, both in the mornings and the afternoons. I just feel better when I'm drinking tea. I love the taste of coffee but, I can't ignore how much better I feel when I don't drink it.

I always imagined that I would become a writer. I envisioned my life with a pen and a notepad always by my side. I knew that whether I became a novelist, script-writer, or journalist, that I would always be… a writer. Like every writer, I have notebooks (and countless computer files) full of poetry and half-baked stories with no endings (or middles for that matter).

I always believe myself to have a “higher” appreciation for writers, and their work. My love of music goes far beyond rhythm, melodies, and refrains. I admire songwriting above all of those. I think this is why my music tastes have always spanned across genres; I don’t care what category it fell into as I was always more concerned with the writing*.

So, what’s the point in this post? I’m not sure. This has been on my mind, lately. More often, I’m finding myself lost in thought trying to identify why and when I stopped writing as much as I did. I try to remember what was going on in my life; what made me stop taking that pen and notebook out to parks and beaches, just to write? And, I try to figure out ways to get myself back into the habit.

Is blogging going to hurt or help? Should I get back to keeping a journal? Have I lost the ability to… well, write?

This morning, I asked myself, “Do I need to stop envisioning myself as a writer?”

I don’t want to.

*One of the things I miss about having a CD collection (all of my music is digital) is looking through the album notes and, reading song lyrics as if they were poems. Even when I got rid of the CD cases, I still kept the notes, like books on a shelf, just to keep the lyrics.

I recently upgraded from an iPad Mini to an iPad Air.

A very important note: I have the world’s most supportive wife. Between my camera gear lust and my obsession with technology and gadgets as a whole, she has exhibited a tremendous amount of patience in allowing me to indulge in… toys.

So, I upgraded tablets. I absolutely loved the portability of the Mini (though, it’s not as if the full-sized iPad is not portable). But one things kept bothering me about it. It nagged and clawed at me. And I knew, deep dow, what it was. But, I refused to admit it. For, if I did admit to what it was, I was admitting to something far bigger than I was willing to face up to.

I realized that my frustration was growing across all of my gadgets. Suddenly, I began lusting after a Galaxy S5, or even a Galaxy Note. My Kindle just wasn’t cutting it anymore. And the reason became more and more evident but, my stubbornness still wouldn’t address it.

Until I caved. As we’re reading in bed, I looked over at my wife. “I need a bigger screen”, I admitted.

My eyesight has always been bad. And though I love the simplicity and portability of smaller devices, they just weren’t cutting it for me any more. I need the bigger screen to see, to read, to type. I’m getting older and I cannot do/see the things I was able to not just five years ago. I’m getting old.

I suppose the reason I’m failing in keeping my blog updated is because I’ve fallen away from my routines. Writing used to be a large part of my routine; I worked on poetry, short stories, countless starts to novels, and a daily journal. And now? The only writing that I do on a regular basis is work-related. Bad. Just, bad.

This is where I write a paragraph about how I’m going to work my way back into the routine (not unlike previous posts and paragraphs that stated more of the same). This supposed paragraph also carries undertones of how my self-improvement and adjustments to improve my quality of life are of the utmost importance as I move forward.

A few weeks ago my mom pointed out that I’m still living as if I’m in my twenties. It’s true, which explains my personal frustration each time I realize I’m no longer in my twenties. Yes, there are times I wish for that time machine.

Moving on…

This week, I’m sharing some things that I have really come to enjoy: email newsletters. What?!? I thought the whole point was to reduce the number of emails so that one isn’t bogged down with junk? Yes, but these are not company newsletters. Check them out.

Doug Belshaw’s “Things I learned this Week” (Hat tip to Marya for pointing this one out): a quick, weekly update of the things he’s seen over the week, ranging from articles and blog posts to helpful tips and interesting internet finds. A nice collection that, like Marya, I find myself looking forward to.

The Listserve is a daily email, sent from members of The Listserve. Winners (by lottery) have an opportunity to write/share anything they want to the other 25k members. Some of them are repetitive, life-advice type subjects. Others are shared personal stories. Others are expanded social experiments. It’s fun to be a part of it.

What if you had a chance to share one photo with a (growing) group of strangers? Similar to The Listserve, Photo YOLO allows members to share one photo with everyone on the subscribed list. There have been some gorgeous photos shared while others have shared very personal photos (family, friends, important moments). I enjoy the more intimate sharing approach, forcing one to select one photo and imagining what made the person select that one photo.

Enjoy.

A recent FB chat exchange with a friend. I won’t tell you which one I am (though, if you know me, you’ll know).

You are the Snake Eyes to my Storm Shadow.

What?!? Does this mean you’re the bad guy?

Huh?

Storm Shadow is with Cobra.

He’s really more of a free agent.

Wait, wait. The bigger issue here is… well, do you empathize more with the bad guys than the good guys?

Uh, no.

So, you sided with Darth Vader?

Uh, well… yes. In Return of the Jedi. But the prequels ruined that for me. After those, I really wanted to see Darth Vader die.

You’re freaking me out.

Darth Vader and Storm Shadow are, they’re complex characters that deserve more credit than just being pegged as “bad guys”. They’re deeper and more developed than the “good guys” in their stories.

You’re freaking me out.

A witty post, about current events, that points out the incredible amount of irony and hypocrisy in our culture.

A whine about how I haven't made the time to follow my hobbies because I'm so busy at work.

A photo that I'm really proud of, or at least fein to be proud of, because I didn't get out to photograph as much as I would have liked because, well... see my whine above.

An overdramatic lament about how I miss Korea, and how it's magnified any time I see photos of Seoul by photographers I follow on Flickr.

I few hopeful lines about the coming week.

It's not that I don't want to write. It's not that I don't want to photograph. It's just that I, well... I haven't.

It's not that I have an excuse for not doing. It's not that I haven't been busy. In fact, it's the opposite.

I have been creating, planning, moving, meeting, thinking, and doing.

I want to do all of this. I am finding that I have less of a desire to do all of this publicly. I'm no longer as driven to post on a blog, on my Flickr account, and on social media.

It could be a fad (I still religiously follow contacts on Twitter). I just find that when my (creative) work is private, it's better. It carries more meaning. It gives me a greater outlet.

The blog will stay. The social media accounts will stay. Because things change. I change. Plans change.

I think that 2014 will have a lot in store for me. As for resolutions? I'll pass on creating those for this year.

Why? Because, this year, I'm opting for goals. Quantitative, quality goals. Goals that are both challenging and realistic. They are centered around health, family and friends. They're focused on completing my own life by adding more dimensions. I want to create a more full, well rounded life.

Without listing them in detail, they can be boiled down to these (which may or may not read like resolutions):

• Read more
• Write more, blog more
• Eat better (quality over quantity)
• Take an obscene amount of photographs
• Own my weekends
• Play lots of golf
• Work on my relationships (family and friends)

And to you, I wish you a very Happy 2014.