Taking steps forward

There was a lot of work put into this project. The amount of meetings (to get various parties on board with what we are about to embark on), with the amount of research and planning required, took up my whole month of April. Writing the grant is just the first step. When* we get the grant award, I expect a whirlwind of activity over the course of the next year. And, like I've been telling everyone, if we do this (implementation) correctly, our Programs will not look the same when we look back a few years from now. All for the better.
 
In the meantime, knowing the insanely busy professional road I'm about to travel, it's become even more important that I find creative and recreational outlets. I'm forcing myself to make more time for hiking, cycling, photography, and travel. I'm even working to allow myself more time for reading and writing.
 
The main focus (pun intended) is on my photography. I'm taking the hobby back to where I am most comfortable with it, as a hobby. I won't be taking freelance jobs for a while, nor updating a professional website. I'll be shooting for myself (and an occasional friend/family). That's where I enjoy photography most and that's exactly what I want to get back to.
 
Incidentally, I am enjoying the site A Lessor Photographer. Written by @Cj Chilvers, his manifesto has helped steer me towards a much more simple approach, allowing for a greater appreciation of photography as a whole.
 
* I say "when" because I'm positive that we will be awarded the funds. Positive thinking.

Over-complicating simplicity

I have a tendency to over-complicate things. It's something that I'm constantly working to correct yet, due to my tendency to over-complicate things, sometimes my course towards correction is a bit, well... over-complicated. Where this really hurts me is in my photography. I keep switching directions only because I feel like I have to. I keep trying new things only because I feel like I have to. I keep exploring different paths and methods only because I feel like I have to. And, when I realize that I need a course-correction, the over-complication comes into play confusing me even more than it should.So I have stopped. I haven't photographed on a regular basis for a little over a year. I could chalk it up to creative block, or something alo

Some mid-week randomness

It looks like I'll have to postpone my #31Tacos project originally planned for May. Some recurring health issues can be blamed for forcing me to adjust some of my routines and overall diet for the next few months. It's nothing serious, just a slight change in course in the interest of long-term health.

Speaking of health, I'm very inspired by so many of my friends who are taking their health more seriously lately. They're working on all aspects, from weight loss to lifestyle changes. It's nice, and especially motivating, when you work with a group that has similar goals. My main goal is lifestyle change in that I want to be more active. Hiking, cycling, walking, running (still undecided on this, but it intrigues me), and playing tennis again (I miss it).

The past 5 years were extremely difficult, yet eye-opening in that I will never, ever, take mobility for granted.I've retrained myself to (again) carry a camera with me everywhere I go. This means no more "kidding myself" by constantly justifying leaving the camera at home with "I can get by with the iPhone".

Yes, I can get by with the camera phone, but that is not the photographer I am. I need the actual camera; a separate device specifically for photography. Thankfully, the Fuji x10 is perfect for my everyday camera needs. It's not too big, heavy, nor cumbersome for daily use.

The kind of stress that nurtures maturity

I'm stressed out. But, it's the good kind of stress. It's the kind of stress that I actually feel "empty" without; the contestant feeling of having things to do, a purpose, a challenge in front of me that comes with a self-imposed sense of urgency. Others can judge it "unhealthy" but, knowing what I know about myself, I wouldn't want to go through life without this feeling.

I think that's why I became extremely bored during high school and college. I didn't challenge myself in any way. I signed up for easy classes and settled for status quo (if that) and became more sentient as each week passed. Part of me knew that my negative attitude was my own self-doing yet, I never took any steps to correct it.Now, a totally different story. I'm traveling down a road that will lead me to reach a professional level that I never imagined I would achieve. I haven't been this excited about my job since I was first hired (ten years ago). My enthusiasm has dramatically increased (colleagues have already started to comment on how excited I am when I talk about the project). It's exciting in that this project reaches out to every single aspect of what our organization does and, if implemented correctly, will have tremendous impact on our overall program growth and sustainability.

This is what I thrive on - a challenge bigger than I give myself credit for. A challenge that my previous low levels of self-esteem and self-doubt would prevent me from even considering. A long-term project that I would have otherwise turned down because of my fear of commitment to any single entity. There's no more "one foot out the door" looking at other job opportunities. This is an all-in, must see this project through drive that has developed from deep within. It comes with a sense of deep passion and commitment; it's something I want to look back on my life upon and see it's success as one of the biggest achievements of my life.

It's different now. I'm different now.* This Sunday musing was written on Monday due to an extremely busy weekend.