A Tuesday ramble

It's week 5 (of an 8 week term) and I'm keeping pace with the lessons, assignments, and deadlines.

It's the same at work; I'm keeping pace with tasks and deadlines. 

I'm treading water. Barely. I feel myself starting to tire, my head slowly slipping lower towards the water's surface. 

"What's wrong, son?" my mother asked, during our Thanksgiving visit. 

"I'm just trying to figure out next steps" I replied. 

She knew what my wife already knows. There's a lot on my mind and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm trying to get a plan together, trying to figure out next steps. On multiple levels. 

What do I want to do tomorrow? This weekend? Next month? This year? What do I want to accomplish by the time I turn 45? 50? 65? I want to make a bigger difference but not sure how. I want to do such and such but not sure where to begin. 

I'm barely treading water yet I'm already trying to figure out what to do when I stand on shore. I'm missing the step(s) needed to get from treading to standing. I'm sinking because I'm not moving towards anything because I haven't yet told myself to start swimming because I haven't yet determine which direction I want to swim in. 

Life isn't linear. I just need to pick a direction and go. If course corrections are needed, I'll trust in myself to make them.